Hey Everyone! I hope you are having an amazing start to your new year! Have you tried anything new in your sex lately? Wanna make it super awkward (at first)? Hey Everyone! I hope you are having an amazing start to your new year! Have you tried anything new in your sex lately? Wanna make it super awkward (at first)?
A well known method of sex therapy, The Sexual Crucible Approach, initially developed by Dr. David Schnarch, advocates for an increased level of comfort in who you are - making you a better lover when you care less about judgments from others, and rely more on the experience of sex itself. One method by which they advocate for better sex is - “Eyes Open Sex.”
Most of the time while most of us are having sex, we keep our eyes closed - we’ve been trained to do this by society and our culture. However, think about some of the most intense scenes you’ve ever seen in recorded sexual acts - or in your personal life. The include deep eye gazing, and a strong connection between the partners, right? But have you ever thought to try this during your own sexual acts? Maybe tonight is the night. Sex is not a solo act - stop acting like it!
While engaging in sex, try keeping your eyes open during the whole experience - or as much as you can. While you are doing this, don’t just look at your partner, really gaze at them. Look at their beautiful body - look at their reactions to the things you are doing together. Try and make eye contact, look deep.
This will be a challenge for many people - most people try and it doesn’t work well. However, it can be an exceptionally moving experience that can draw you and your partner even closer together. Let me know what you think!
Working out releases all kinds of happy hormones, like endorphins - which increase happiness and libido… So, why not have sex at the gym, right? -Where all this goodness is happening. Well, at least 25% of you “gym people” are already doing it.
Online magazine from the UK, Independent has recently conducted a survey of workout-ers, and found that 82% of people use dating apps during their workout, trying to find a partner. In addition, 50% actively pursue connections with others at the gym.
Believe it or not - 20% of people have had sex with their trainers as well! I swear, it’s not a pornographic film plot - this is real life people. 10% of all people bring condoms to the gym, just in case.
Even with all this sex happening at the gym, there are also many benefits to working out in general for your sex life. Squats can help with the specific muscles used for stand-up and doggy style sex, allowing for longer activities; and in recent studies 45% of women report better orgasms with their partner when they have lifted ~10lb weights for 15 minutes a day.
All this sex and sexuality encourages many people to work out even more; and can make our lives better overall. A healthier body means a healthier sexuality. Get out there and get them endorphins flowing!
How much time do you spend working on your partner during sex? What about yourself? Maybe give yourself a hand as well. ;-) Many lovers report that watching their partner touch themselves during sex, or whenever, is often very arousing - and educational.
It can be super arousing to see you partner pleasuring themselves. We all have a voyeuristic side that wants to see someone having a good time - and our partners are especially fun to see. There is an element of “taboo” to touching yourself, and you are doing it in front of someone else - very arousing for many people.
It is also educational! When you touch yourself, you are doing so in a way that already feels good - you know what you are doing. Because of that, you can teach your partner what works best - and they can then imitate that when they start playing with you. Overall, it’s a double win.
Try it out next time when you are romping through the sheets, or whatever, with a sex friend - give it a good touch yourself, and see how it works out.
This page is a blog and repository of Dr. B - a sex therapist, educator, researcher, activist and speaker. Interested in all things sexual, social justice, LGBTQQIA+, and mental health.