"The greatest gift that you can give to others
There is a new name for an old foe - "SAFE-T." It stands for 'Sexual Attraction Fluidity Exploration in Therapy.' Despite the name, it is anything but an exploration of sexual fluidity. Instead, this is a so-called therapy aims to subvert same-gender sexual attractions and promote a heterosexual identity through shame, harm, mistreatment, and unethical "counseling/therapeutic" techniques. This was previously called "Conversion" or "Reparative" therapy - because there was something to fix, or repair, right?
Even as I write this, I have a hard time even calling this a type of therapy. The rage - it's real, folks.
Why is "SAFE-T" or "Conversion" therapy bad? Three main reasons...
Click here for a list of national association's (medical, psychological, research, etc.) and organization's policy and position statements on conversion therapy.
Now, let's talk about the ridiculous nature and absurdity that is the phrase given to this type of practice. I am not sure who came up with this new turn-of-phrase, but I can't help but think they were doing their best to turn up their nose at legit psychotherapy practice.
Key components of affirmative therapy, like safety, sexual exploration, fluidity, exploration, all are parts of a sex positive and health therapy process for accepting a person's sexual identity. By using terms such as these in this heinous practice is inexcusable. It's as though these 'practitioners' are attempting to state they are open, accepting and willing to support someone through an exploratory process of sexual development - however with the end goal being heterosexual cisgender identities.
Being of a sexual or gender identity minority, anywhere on the LGBPQT+ spectrum is already exceptionally difficult in this heterocentric world and society. It doesn't need to be made harder with anti-science, pseudo intellectual turn of phrase torture. It is already a terrifying process to discover and come to accept who you are - if you or anyone you know is questioning or exploring their identities, encourage them to seek a supportive affirmative therapist, preferably someone who is certified or has lots of experience. Living life authentically and from a genuine place is infinitely better than conforming to expectations.
When was the last time you asked your partner all the sex questions?
Some of you may be thinking - why do I want to know all the answers? Because it's important, that's why! I see clients and students who are consistently hesitant to talk about sex even with those who they are having the sex with!
Here are some BASIC sex questions you may want to consider asking someone whom you are having sex with regularly:
These questions get at some main concerns, quickly - 1) safety, 2) pleasure, 3) affect/connection. These are some of the most important components of expressing sexuality that leads to better sex. Everyone should attempt to be safe, have a pleasurable time, with someone that they connect (even if briefly) to. Sex is better this way!
Notice - I didn't ask about how many partners a person has had. I also didn't ask about how they identify in terms of their sexual orientation, etc. I didn't propose these questions on purpose - what do they have to do with your attraction to that person, or your decision as to whether you could have sex with them? If you answered that question with a, 'because, I don't know if I could have sex with someone who has...' then you may want to take a look in the mirror and check that bias.
Have any of you asked these questions, know the answers? I'd be curious to see how it turned out for you! #AskThemTonight!
If so, I have.
I am constantly trying to "get my sh*t together." This is the phrase I use when I feel like I have a lot going on, and I am never going to make it through my to-do list. However, I never really need to get it together - it already is. However, if you are like me - you love to organize and think of new systems to keep the things you have already organized, organized. So, instead of doing the things on the list - you instead come up with a new way of displaying your list or figuring out what to do and in what way. Such as this...
I kid around a lot and say, "I should've worked at Staples." because, honestly, who wouldn't love to work at Staples?! All them supplies and fun office things? Yes, please. Alas, my life path took me in a different direction.
After using these methods this week though - I have to admit that the sticky note/cork board idea above my monitor helps the most. I think this is because I am most often motivated by shame (...) so when someone comes into my office and sees the notes with dates on them - I feel like I have to do it; or else feel the wrath!
Another thing that I HAVE done consistently, is to keep my email inbox cleaned up. I consider it like a "to-do" list, and if there is an email in there - it needs to be done. When the task is done, or the email replied to, I file it away in some kind of folder. (*Note, the folder system needs work, but that is what Search is for.) This also helps me to feel accomplished, "Yes! Move that! Gone! Empty! TA DA!!!"
While I can't guarantee that I won't have a new organization system next week, this is OK for now, and was fun to make. :-) What do you use?
This page is a blog and repository of Dr. B - a sex therapist, educator, researcher, activist and speaker. Interested in all things sexual, social justice, LGBTQQIA+, and mental health.