Hey Everyone! Sorry for the brief hiatus. My goal is to post a new blog update at least once per week. Although, in good news, several awesome events happened during that time that has kept me very busy. :)
I finished several entries for inclusion in an upcoming encyclopedia of marriage and family therapy, put some final edits on a paper from my dissertation (finally :-/), AND am submitting 4 proposals to this year's SSSS (Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality) Annual Conference! That is a #boom moment... I am hoping that it all goes smoothly!
I would like to say that it is all due to pure talent and academic inspiration, however, that's just not true. Writing is hard. Submissions are hard... And working on anything from your dissertation (post-defense) is even harder. In reality, the only thing that made those projects move along was the fact that I had a deadline. I was running up against a brick wall and just simply had to do it. There was no more grace period or ability to ask for an extension - it all just needed to get done... so it did. Is this your method of writing (for those of you who write)? Or really, is it your method of doing just about anything-- procrastinating until the last moment, then get it done? Do you have any tips (for me, or I guess, anyone else) on how to NOT procrastinate or work efficiently toward getting things done?
Our first Q&A is going to be a juicy one! Be warned. Obviously, this post is NSFW... depending on where you work! ;-) ... and 18+... And... on with the show!
Are penis pumps safe to use? ~Concerned in Alabama
Not really. Penis pumps can be helpful when prescribed by a doctor as a treatment possibility for erectile dysfunction, but in general use - can cause more damage than be helpful. Penis pumps work by creating a vacuum, and drawing blood into the erectile tissue in the shaft of the penis. This causes an erection-like side effect, which can last for a short period or a longer period, depending on arousal states. However, many men try and use penis pumps to lengthen or increase the width of the penis. When using a penis pump for this purpose, often, a male will 'over pump' his penis, which could lead to long-term effects such as erectile dysfunction and emergency situations including a rupture of the tissue needing immediate medical care. Either way, the penis never truly increases in size over time, and even if it did - it would be a minor amount.
Can you put fruit in the vagina & lick/suck it out without it getting stuck in there? ~Adventurous
In the purest answer to your question - maybe. However, I would not recommend it! Fruit is most often prepared by cutting into smaller pieces, which can get stuck - and have to get fished out with a finger or object. Plus you should be very concerned when using fruit on such a sensitive area of your body. Most fruit have significant amounts of bacteria and even possible disease on its rind that even washing may not get rid of. This may lead to urinary tract infections and possible worse conditions. If you are going to play with fruits - and veggies - the safest bet is to always put it in a condom first!
Is anal sex dangerous? if not, how can it be safe? ~Mr. Bottom
Anal sex is one of the more dangerous forms of sexual expression (due to the higher rates of infection transmission). However, it can be a truly enjoyable sexual experience with a trusted partner, and many people find it preferable to other forms of sexual activity! The best way to practice anal sex is to always use a condom when engaging in anal play, and be sure to use an adequate amount of lube. Further, you should always spend time with your anus before you engage in receiving activity. :) This includes, cleaning the area thoroughly, lubing up inside and out, and massaging the muscles surrounding your anus so they are more relaxed to enjoy the experience. The best kind of lube would be one that is designed for anal sex, and one that is water-based. Most water-based lubes will last longer before needing additional application and will be less likely to stain any fabrics. In addition, it works best with condoms and latex materials (toys).
Check out the Wet website here, for where to buy and more information on this product.
I really want to try role play but my partner seems embarrassed by the idea and shoots down the suggestion every time I bring it up. How can I warm her up to the idea? ~Corral
This is a common question, believe it or not! In many relationships, one partner is a bit more sexually adventurous than the other, which can lead to a disconnect in the bedroom. One of the first things you will need to do is get used to the idea that you will not be able to do anything that both partners do not want to do! There isn't a magic formula to convince a partner to role play in their bedroom. However, here are some suggestions that may help...
Also, recent research shows that people are more open about their sexuality while they are in heightened states of sexual arousal. The next time your partner is about to climax, or is getting close... suggest maybe trying something new next time, like role play!
That's it for this Q&A! If you have any questions you would like answered - submit via the sex+ Q&A submission box to the right! Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know in comments!
This page is a blog and repository of Dr. B - a sex therapist, educator, researcher, activist and speaker. Interested in all things sexual, social justice, LGBTQQIA+, and mental health.