Here is a three part series on how to improve your relationship with three Gottman Method Couples Therapy ideas based on actual empirical research.
A simple concept, yet one that many partners often forget. When you express an interest in your partner's life, whether it be their experiences throughout the day, or remember something that is bothering them and check up on it - it reminds them that you care. The connection between you and your partner is a foundational component to a happy and successful relationship. Genuinely caring about your partner is a huge component.
How can you express interest? It's not rocket science! -But it is all in the communication.
This idea of turning toward your partner or away from them is part of a larger concept called "bids for attention." These bids are calls into the relationship from one partner when they need something - it is a person saying, "pay attention to me, I need you." When you fail to act or help in some way, it can prove disastrous for your relationship. Couples who are considered 'masters' of their relationship (and thus more likely to be successful and have longer, happier relationships) turn toward, and express interest, in their partners 86% of the time when requested. Of those who are 'disasters' or less likely to have a successful relationship, only turn toward and express interest in their partners 33% of the time when requested.
Give it a try, you'll be pleasantly surprised! It will draw you both closer and you will feel a deeper connection almost right away.
This page is a blog and repository of Dr. B - a sex therapist, educator, researcher, activist and speaker. Interested in all things sexual, social justice, LGBTQQIA+, and mental health.