As a sex therapist and educator, one of the number one questions I get - from both men and women - is, “Does size really matter?” Well, surprisingly - the answer is actually quite complicated and not simply a YES or NO. I’ll try and answer in quickly. Let’s break it down…
When it DOES matter…
In your mind… based on non-experience, and perceptions of what a penis should look like - usually based on sexual myths propagated by pornography or discussions with your peers. Visually, a larger, thicker, more ‘impressive’ penis will be more enticing and thrilling to consider. This can lead to more sexual excitement, and confidence of the person with the penis…
When it DOESN’T MATTER…
Basically the rest of the time. After the visual presentation of the penis is complete, and the physical sexual activities begin, penis size begins to take on a whole new meaning - one that may be unexpected.
In meta-analytic studies, the average American penis measures in around 4.5-5.5 inches in length, and around 1.5 inches in circumference (through the middle, about 3.5-4 inches in diameter around).
Smaller-to-average size penises (in length) actually have an advantage in the physical aspect of having sex with other men and women. Within the vagina, the first 1/3 - roughly about the first 2-4 inches depending on arousal - house the vast majority of all nerve endings. As such, a penis that is consistently stimulating this part of the vagina will have a much higher likelihood of causing intravaginal orgasms (which are really the same as clitoral orgasms, but that is another post…). In addition, the likelihood of a typical penis reaching the back of the vagina - and subsequently punching the cervix - is quite low. This leads to increased pleasure on the part of the female partner receiving.
Penis size may seem as though it is very important in the gay male community - I hear constantly about ‘size queens’ and have almost daily conversations about partner’s penis’ with gay friends, but in reality there is a growing movement called a ‘boyfriend penis.’ This boyfriend penis (BP) is the penis (size/shape/etc) that you prefer for comfort and longevity in sexual relations - not the one-night stands or crazy hookups. What’s interesting is a BP is typically a smaller-to-average penis, not one of those crazy penises you see in porn or advertisements. Just as you would expect - this BP is for comfort in sexual activity.
So, the moral of this story is, a LARGE penis >5.5 inches is great for excitement and visuals… but could lead to more difficulty in the bedroom; while a smaller-to-average penis will provide much more pleasure. — Time to worry less about the size of your penis, and to figure out and learn more about what to do with your penis!
Interested in finding out how YOU stack up? It’s easy to measure your penis - and most men admit to having measured their penis (repeatedly, in most cases); however most have done it incorrectly. To gain an accurate representation of your erect penis length, take a stiff (heh heh) ruler and place one end ON TOP of your erect penis, right up against your pelvic bone, and measure to the tip of the penis. To measure girth, use a flexible measuring tape and pick the widest part (not the head of the penis, in the shaft) - typically the middle… and measure around. Voilà, you have your measurements! I would recommend taking them multiple times, however, as your numbers can change with age, diet, blood pressure, and health.
So… what do you think? How much does penis size matter to you?
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